The fuss about much ado has never really been about it. The fuss about it has always been a function of the fact that it always, always targets nothing. And, we do not have to wander too far afield to pick up a trailerload of ready examples. Much ado about bias, about buffoonery.
Much ado about cluelessness, about complacency. Much ado about emptiness, about euphemisms. Much ado about forlorn happy hour, about hate. Much ado about meanness, about mediocrity.
Much ado about nonentities, about nonsense. Much ado about obsession, about offence. Much ado about poverty, about poverty alleviation which ends up leaving the poor worse off. Much ado about quacks, about qualms.
Much ado about tackiness, about tragedy. Much ado about ungainliness, about ungodliness? Much ado about vandalism, about venom? Much ado about weakness, about wonkiness?
Much ado has always been about vice, never about virtue. So much that this writer wonders if it would make any difference now that much ado is finally about something. Put differently, would there be any grouse if much ado was about virtue? That is, instead of much ado about nothing, can we say much ado about something?
For instance, much ado about achievements? Much ado about connections? Much ado about education? Much ado about fame?
Much ado about humility? Much ado about impact? Much ado about knowledge? Much ado about money?
At this juncture, may I please seek your indulgence to fool around a little? Much ado about not kneeling to propose? Sssh, be calming down. This life is not that serious, this life is not your own.
Much ado about obitual eulogium, whatever that means? Much ado about objectivism? Much ado about objuration? Much ado about oblation?
Let us get back to winning ways. Much ado about power, about positioning, about priorities? Much ado about race, about relationships, about religion? Much ado about sales, about stakes, about salaries?
Much ado about tacenda, about teachability, about temperament? Much ado about vacuum, about validation, about vigilance? Much ado about waist, about waste, about westernisation? Much ado about zenith, about zest, about zillion?
From the foregoing, and being restrained by space and time or the lack of them, we can only zero in on just half a dozen virtues. One, humility; two, impact; three, knowledge; four, money; five, not kneeling to propose and six, power. The big question that arises is: would any or all of these afford anyone self-broadcastable bragging rights? Specifically, since much ado means making a noise over a trifle, should the world allow much ado about courage, about humility, about impact, about knowledge, about money, and about power all six of which are clearly a big deal?
Like the lad who refused his girl’s entreaties to go on his knee while proposing to her. By the way, where exactly is the world headed? Young people who have hardly experienced life want to get married and they believe the best way is to stream their first step? We joke too much on this earth.
Like the girl herself. Look at her, begging her husband-to-be to kneel for her in the name of marriage proposal. Clearly, her motive is to feel good among her friends and in the public eye. Such idiocy!
How these young Africans allow globalisation force them into this anathema called acculturation is just a scandal. Even worse than the crying shame, nobody is doing anything about it. In fact, there is now especially in black Africa much ado about behaving and speaking like some US or British citizen. Our airwaves are now filled with borrowed accents which make us look or sound like some United Nations parliament!
To round off this deviation, let us make the point that the guy who refused to kneel showed raw courage and class. He should thank his stars he would not be spending his life with that kind of public-conscious wife. However, bringing what he did into our context, can he brag about his courage and strength of character? Is there much ado about what he did?
… to be continued next Monday
culled from The Sun Nigeria